I was given what seemed to be adequate instructions before he left: "feed them 1/2 bucket of kibble in the morning and 8 litres of milk in the evening, 6 in the bucket with teats and 2 in the 1 litre bottles with baby nipples...oh! Be careful opening the door when you take them the milk, but if some get out, don't worry, they'll come back in when they see their sisters drinking..."In actuality, it wasn't nearly that simple. First problem which bloody bucket??? There was no bucket by the feed. There were a couple of buckets outside the barn, but they were near the mucking out brooms so I figured they were cleaning not feeding buckets. Aha, but there's a bucket in the sink, near the milk bucket. Must be that one. But 1/2 of it doesn't seem the 2kg he said it should be...well, I'll just give 'em a bit more, if its just a bit too much it'll be like Christmas...So that was the morning feed.
Afternoon feed, and here comes the milk, heated up faithfully to 41 degrees then poured into the bucket. AAAAAG! The nipples leak everywhere, mess mess mess! Quick, make the bottles and get up there to them before it empties out on the floor. AAAAAG the nipples don't fit on the bottles, I must have the wrong bottles. try them all, quick!! Oh, here's ONE where it fits, but only one. Oh well, they'll have a bottle less tonight. It'll be just like the diet that starts on boxing day!OK, holding a 6 litre leaking bucket in one hand and a 1 litre slippery dripping bottle in the other...how the Bloody hell do I open the door "carefully". Well, what would you do? Slowly...pushing carefully...thinking to push in thee moment it is open a big enough crack...of course, the moment the crack is big enough they all start pushing, butting and leaping all over me, and I can't get it closed. AAAAAG!! Run run to the milk bucket post to not spill the milk, not worrying about a couple that got out 'cause, well, i was told not to worry, right?
So, feeding them the milk and only 8 of them are still interested in the milk. The other 6 have all escaped and are jumping in their hay in their manger from the other side. But they are just right here by the barn, and I'm not worried. Finished the milk, I go out to push them back in the barn...but i can't hold open the door and chase the goats in at the same time. I call for Nina. I call again for Nina. I SCREAM for Nina. I SCREAM BLOODY MURDER for Nina. Nothing. OoooooKay, i can latch open the door, and thus chase these deviants in and not worry about the door. Smart, huh?... 2 minutes later, all 14 goats were in the veggie garden feasting on the fig and the plums and the itty bitty baby fava beans. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG!
It had been raining and thundering on and off all day, so they hadn't been out to pasture at all, just hanging out in their little coral, and these goats had ABSOLUTELY no intention of coming home right away. Especially not with baby beans to munch on. I run here, they run there. I run there, they run here. Up the hill, down the hill, half up, half down...and all variety of permutations. (aaand when they were up they were up, and when they were down they were down, and when they were only halfway up...where's the Duke when you need him???)I call again for Nina. I SCREAM for Nina. I SCREAM BLOODY MURDER for Nina. Nothing. I give up, leave them to the hazel at the edge of the woods which they seem to be enjoying and go into the house screaming my ass off for Nina...in front of the TV with volume so loud nothing else is registering. She puts Nesto in his car seat and we charge raffi with entertaining him while we chase the goats back in...it'll only take a minute, right?
Riiiiiigggght. I try and lead them with handfuls of feed while nina chases them from behind, but they are absolutely NOT having it. They are all bunched up against their electric fence, but on the wrong side...brainwave...I turn of the fence, pick up the picks and lay it down so they can just be chased to the other side, right? Riiiiigggght. That was SUCH a bad idea. They of course know that the fence "bites" so won't go, but have been made curious enough by the attempt that I risk having taught them how to escape whenever they want to now! Oh look, here's Raffi "mummy mummy Nesto fell out of his chair" Ignore the goats, go flying back to the house, put nesto back in the car seat AND STRAP HIM IN THIS TIME...and then back to the goats and the downed fence.
So, get the fence back up, and I'm starting to panic now -- they won't run away, but if they keep eating all this wet rich green after a whole day indoors and after having already had their supper and extra feed rations, they all risk bloating up until they literally explode. Bloat is perhaps the most common end for a goat, and the one we have to be most afraid of. So now i'm thinking "if i don't get them in in the next 15 or 20 minutes, they are going to start bloating". And if that weren't enough, they all wanted to be around the beehives, there is some lovely hazel just behing and lovely lavender in front.... Just one hive knocked over, and we're all dead, dammit!
Right, face the problem right in the eyes and take the most direct action. I start to physically lift and manhandle them back into the barn, one by one. 20kg of kicking pissed off goat down the hill through the slippery mud and into the barn. Back up the hill. Back down with another wet smelly muddy goat kicking and bucking. Back up the hill. Repeat...by the time half of them were in, I was completely bagged. Luckily the others started to feel the loss of their companions and were more amenable. Nina thought she would put a rope on them and lead them in...that didn't work...
And FINALLY I did what I should have done from the beginning...started to chase them away from the barn, but towards the road they always take to go between barn and pastures. As soon as they were on the road they knew, through the back woods, then they started trotting along happily in the direction i wanted them to go, wrap around and back to the corral. Nina did a great job chasing them, and then got completely tangled in a thorn bush just as they were on the lip of the gate to their corral fence, so instead of going in, they went over to the woods on the other side. But it was a quick matter to get them back on the road and then back into the corral from there. And as soon as they were back inside their corral fence, then and only then did the damn dog figure out we were trying to get them home and not just messing around with them (up till now she just chased them willy nilly, more problem than help). So, once they were already caught, then Heidi remembered she's a bloody shepherd, and did a marvelous job of taking them to the barn.Ahhhhh...OK, now we can laugh. Nina said "DAMMIT I HATE GOATS", but she did a great job helping, and should take her thorny wounds as marks of pride!
